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FAQ About Domestic Violence
Ways to Eliminate Domestic Violence
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Know The Facts...
Violence against family members becomes a cycle of violence, passed on from one generation to the next.
Once a spouse is abused, the abuse tends to continue, occurs more frequently and becomes more severe.
Domestic violence is intentional. It is not a loss of control. It is not driven by impulses or emotional outbursts. It is exactly the opposite. Domestic violence is behavior designed to gain control and instill fear in victims.
Most batterers create rules to bolster their control over partners. They carefully enforce those rules and the punishment for breaking them often includes violence.
Abusers do not use violence all of the time. They often merely refer to past acts of violence and promise to repeat the violence, if partners do not comply with their rules and directives.
The nature of domestic violence encourages conditions, which keep a victim economically dependent, socially isolated and trained to feel that there are no other options. Faced with rent and utility deposits, day care, health insurance, and other basic expenses, victims may feel unable to support themselves and children.
When the partners of batterers decide to seek help or leave, there is a risk that the batterer will use more severe violence in an attempt to regain control over the abused spouse or partner.
Recognise The Myths...
Myth: Domestic violence is confined to the lower classes.
FACT: Domestic violence is an equal opportunity crime. Spousal abuse happens among every age, economic, social, racial and ethnic group in our society.
Myth: Alcohol and/or drug abuse cause domestic violence.
FACT: Domestic violence and substance abuse are two different problems that should be treated separately. Actions of the abuse are typically controlled, even when drunk or high, by choosing a time and place for the assaults to take place in private and go undetected. Successful completion of a drug treatment program does not guarantee an end to battering. Treating one will not cure the other. Many battered partners are stunned to find that their abuser uses sobriety as another means of control. Blaming alcohol or drugs is another excuse to evade responsibility for the behavior.
Myth: Anger causes violence.
FACT: Anger is a normal human emotion while violence is a learned behavior. At a very early age we learn that violent and aggressive behavior can be helpful in getting what we want. A child throws a tantrum in a public business and is given a treat to keep quiet. This is a learned behavior the child does to be in control, and learned behavior continues into our adult life. Aggressive or abusive anger, such as the threat of harm or use of a scary tone of voice, can be one technique a person may use to encourage his partner to do what he/she wants.
Myth: Stress causes violence.
FACT: Abusers rarely assault their bosses, co-workers, or others outside the house. If you asked a person why they did not punch their boss when written up for a mistake, the response would more than likely be, "I’d get in trouble for that." The implication that it is okay to take out your frustrations in certain situations but not others. This is clearly a decision made by the individual.
Myth: They must like it, or they would just leave.
FACT: Many victims do leave. When they do, the vast majority of them do not stay in subsequent abusive relationships. Moreover, in some instances, there may be an increased chance of physical harm or even death. The period of time after a victim leaves or expresses an intention to leave is the most lethal time. Seventy-five percent of the homicides and serious assaults occur then. This is a powerful deterrent to leaving.
Adapted from: "Preventing Violence Against Women, Not Just a Women's Issue," National Crime Prevention Council, 1995 and the North Carolina Coalition Against Domestic Violence.
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